My Healthy Living Log

This group is something special to me. By nature I am a very loyal and dedicated person. I am also very disciplined and focused, especially when I have a goal in front of me. The fact that these ladies all share the same goal with me will drive me to succeed even more. Knowing these ladies makes me even more committed to succeeding. Failure is not an option. If they are anything like me (and I think they are) we will hopefully push each other. As far as visitors, I hope I can inspire you too…if even one person can achieve a goal because of me, that will make this all worthwhile.

I feel like I just got recruited or something and it’s time to go to camp with the team. I’m really excited to work with my ‘teammates’ and our coaches in reaching our common goal, or at least mine – Dreamgirls! Beyoncé look out! Now I really have to perform because “mama-an-nem” will be logging on to see my progress so I must become a woman on a mission. I hope I will be able to work as a team player but it’s kind of hard right now with a newborn in a city where you have no friends or family as backup support when I need a mommy break to go work out. I simply refuse to leave my baby with someone I don’t know. To further complicate matters I’ve recently had some health issues that were pregnancy induced and have ended up in the emergency room 3 times since the baby was born. I thought I was having a heart attack until they correctly diagnosed me with gall stones. I haven’t even started the program yet and I am thoroughly exhausted! Hopefully I can find support among the other 5 women in my group but I’ve already missed out on a pre-Christmas dinner they had because of lack of childcare and a crisis that took place that night. A good friend, whose wedding I was in, was doing a routine roadside check with his partner when he was shot five times by an assailant who is still at large. I helped as best as I could but it’s in God’s hand now. I know just how important it is to have friends who support you in your time of need.

 
Making a personal commitment to this project is complicated on many levels. For one, I am generally a self-motivated person who doesn’t need a pat on the back, a word of encouragement, or a happy face – although a cookie would suffice. However, since this is a weight loss program, cookies are probably not in the equation. But it seems these days that I have no energy. My get up and go, has got up and went, so it seems that I am left to depend on the encouragement of others. Committing to the group, however, is another issue that has pluses and minuses. Often we will do for others what we won’t do for ourselves because when we are in need, we are more willing to handle disappointment in our own failures than those of others. Eighteen months ago as a single woman, I wouldn’t have given a second thought about making a commitment and fulfilling it. But now after marriage and a baby there are others who must be considered before committing and greater disappointment if those obligations are not fulfilled. Overall, I think that the relationships with these women will be a good thing considering I have only a few in my new city with whom I am acquainted, and I hope to learn a lot about them, and from them. I’m sure there will be many personal revelations shared amongst us. Truly the whole point of vulnerability is allowing people to see the real you, but the words “Internet” and “intimate” are usually an oxymoron and shouldn’t be used in the same sentence. However, I believe in this case things might be a little different because I know that people often share their deepest thoughts and feelings via the web but that’s only because people can’t see them. There is little anonymity here, I’m not a shy person, and therefore, this is going to be interesting.

 
There are a whole lot of women out there just like me who have made new year’s resolutions in the past to battle the bulge and did it alone. So I’m sucking it up, kicking it in, and letting it all hang out! Truly, I have no other choice because my girdle doesn’t fit anymore. Day one of the yoplaitbikini.com diet program was the last time my scale will groan, “get off of me!” Hopefully soon I won’t be “thick around the waist and taking up space!”

I believe there is strength in numbers, and I’ve always performed better when someone was watching. I’m thrilled that there are so many diverse women in our group with similarities and differences in our approach to weight management—we have a common thread but at the same time we can all learn from each other. Women are the best—we can talk about our struggles for hours with each other and be sympathetic and inspire confidence in each other…and not get tired doing it. My husband (love the guy) can only take about 10 seconds of discussing weight struggles. I’m so glad I will have this support system of women that knows how hard this can be and shares my goals on this journey. I know there are many women out there who may share in my struggle—and if we can do this together, all the better! I want to hear from you! I know that if you have about 30 to 35 pounds to lose, like me, people like us aren’t making headlines and there are not any role models out there—it isn’t exactly fodder for a reality program. And for someone like me, who carries weight well (people don’t notice if I fluctuate within 10 pounds…I hide it well)…this has been a private struggle for so long. Let’s shed some light here! Let’s exult in a 1.7 pound loss as progress! It’s all good and it is all good for us. I think and hope the Web site audience and I will be as close with me as I am to my group. Plus—the wonderful thing about the Web site community is the degree of anonymity—you can talk about things that you may not share with your loved ones—your anxieties, your failures, your secret hopes, your little wins that may not seem noteworthy to those in your life. That is what is so wonderful about our online community—let’s get real and at the same time, get down to business. Let’s do this thing for once and for all and make some real connections along the way. I’m looking forward to sharing my feelings with five other women, because these feelings define me. I have been in this struggle my whole life…it has made me who I am. I have a lot of wonderful, supportive people in my life, and the people I know personally represent only a tiny percentage of the wonderful people in the world who share my struggle. My five colleagues in this program are already like sisters and I know we will be seeing each other at our best and worst, and exhibiting the raw emotion that drives us to be successful in the program. I will be sharing those moments with everyone in the community and I hope that more people can connect with us and each other through our experiences. Our life is going to be an open book…I hope everyone will be inspired reading it!

I need to be healthier but also to set an example for my husband and kids….it’s not about me anymore. With 2 small children who will be developing and learning their eating habits from the home (from a career dieter, no less), and in an environment rampant with a culture that fosters childhood obesity…I have to take control of my family’s nutrition now instead of sleepwalking through this critical crossroad in my children’s lives. I know that there will be many ways I as a parent will dramatically influence my children—getting the food relationship right (for all of us) will be one of the best gifts I can give and set the stage for them to grow into healthy adults.

Have you ever had a hobby that you’ve done for a good part of your life? Are you an avid reader? A swimmer? Have a love for football? I can honestly say that managing my weight has been my second job for the past 30 years…longer than anything else I’ve ever done. I have always had a love/hate relationship with my body, and have been dieting since childhood. (My expertise is in deprivation techniques.) However—what I WANT…and is completely in my power to have through the Best Life Diet, is a new way of eating that is inclusive and normalizes food…where food is celebrated and creative…it is just chosen more carefully. This is the only way to sustain a lifestyle of healthy eating—making it normal.

Just two months ago I was in the process of taking out an extra life insurance policy since our family has grown. Since I am 38 years old, the requirements included a medical questionnaire and exam, blood test, the works. I’d always just had insurance through my jobs so this was a bit new to me. As I was going through the questionnaire with the agent on the phone and we got to the “weight” question, after I had given my weight the agent got quiet. He told me in a very unsympathetic and monotone voice (anyone overweight has high emotion when discussing their weight—so I was already getting worked up) that in the eyes of the insurance company, I was considered a significant “health risk”…therefore my premiums were going to be very high. I tried to explain that I had just had a baby and yes, I wasn’t back at my normal weight yet, but I would lose it soon, etc….it didn’t matter. What’s more is that even after I lost my baby weight, the insurance company would still consider me 12 pounds overweight. My “good” weight really wasn’t a “good weight”!  This was my wakeup call. A company that leverages people’s health risks for a living called ME a significant risk…at 38. And to add insult to injury, I have to pay more to be unhealthy! Though my husband and I have talked in general terms about being “healthier” for our kids—we hadn’t yet made changes that would make an impact. It all begins now—before it’s too late. 

I am not very happy with my body (surprise surprise)…my body is not very familiar to me right now—it’s fleshy, untoned and like a lump of clay. As any mother knows, the post-partum proportion your body takes after birth could make you cry every day if you let it (but you don’t because you let the raging hormones make you cry instead.). I remember having a meltdown recently in a store dressing room as the sales associate brought me every pair of pants they carried in the largest size they had…and kept asking me through the door “How’s it going? You doing ok?” and in my depressed, choked up delirium since nothing fit, I was only hearing “Everything ok, you BIG FRIGGIN COW?” Making this change will make me so much more confident as a mother and wife…I will feel that I’m in control of my health and that will benefit both me and my children. I will look better and feel beautiful. Oh yeah, and I’ll also get my life insurance policy fee adjusted too!

I love the accountability and support being part of our group provides. These are all great gals with different stories and motivations to share, yet we have one big common goal. It feels very reassuring to know this support system is already in place ’cause I know I’ll need it. Accountability is very important to me…I tend to put things off if I’m not in the mood. My being accountable to all the women who visit our website will also help keep me focused and honest. My commitment feels very solid and this sense of commitment will ensure that I’m successful in reaching my goals. If my experiences and thoughts can support anyone else in reaching her goals…nothing would be more gratifying. Let’s keep the lines of communication open.

My goal is to create a body and life that projects vitality, ageless beauty and good health. To be more attractive, happier and more alive than ever, regardless of my age. That getting older can mean being healthier and more open to life’s possibilities than ever. My age is a number. Nothing more. 2007 feels like a new beginning. 

Whenever I would master my plan in my head to lose weight and get fit, it’s always been a well thought out, brilliant and perfect program that I would execute and achieve on my OWN… I figured I can lose weight without telling anyone that I’m even trying and then BA-BAM!! Instant, hot, thin, fit, new Cecilia back on the scene!! Of course, the seed has been planted for so long, it’s never actually grown… And that’s because seeds need sunlight, water, love and nurturing to grow… and someone else to enjoy them… which is why I realize that I can’t do this alone and that having these other women with me on this journey to better myself will absolutely help! Being part of a team or support group just helps me keep myself on track… I don’t want to fall behind the other girls and feel like I’m not committing myself to this program 100% and I certainly don’t want to be the only one who loses only 2 pounds within 3 months… Nor do I want to fail our readers… I feel like I’m the fattest girl in the group and also the biggest procrastinator, therefore, leaving me to feel like I’m going to have the most challenges with motivation and energy… I’m also the only smoker in the group, so I feel like there’s a double-whammy that I’m up against… But I truly believe that each of us has our own demons and hurdles to face and by sharing them, we can help one another by offering comfort, advice and motivation to keep moving on!!
 
I don’t mind sharing my feelings with the group or writing them down for all the world to read… if it sparks someone to smile, laugh or think “what the heck is she thinking,” then that’s great!! There’s nothing else like reading about other people’s problems , I say! The number one thing that I can say about sharing feelings about our bodies and our worries is that we all can UNDERSTAND in one way or another!
 
Good, Better, Best… Never let it rest until your Good is Better and your Better is BEST. And my goal is to achieve the Best Life for Me

My ultimate goal is to really just get rid of my beer gut. It’s intimidating, it’s frightening and it’s pretty damn heavy… I can deal with the man arms and I actually enjoy a plump bottom, but this mid-section has got to go!! I’ve been meaning to change my lifestyle and behavior for the longest time… but it has become such a part of me, the selfish person within feels like I wouldn’t be me if I changed it… I drink beer, I smoke cigarettes and I eat like it’s nobody’s business… And exercise on a regular basis? What’s that? How does that work? I am a walking bad habit but in reality… I am really just shortening my chances to a longer and fulfilling life… and I’d like to live until I’m 95 but I can’t do that if I continue to live my life the way I’ve been for the last 32 years.
 

I’ve even dreamt about being thinner and healthier again… one morning, I woke up with a kick-ass 6-pack!! I was thinner, had a toned body with gorgeous arms and oh so sexy legs!! And then I woke up from the dream that I woke up with a 6-pack & this fabulous new body but it felt so real!! I look in the mirror, I look at photos of me and I think… What the heck happened to you, woman??!! If and WHEN I do get rid of the beer gut, I’m going to invest in more color in my wardrobe… even though black is slimming, can be sexy and elegant… it really is a bit boring when you wear it just about every single day! I really just can’t wait to incorporate these phrases: “I’m going to the gym today” or “I’m going for a RUN” on a daily or weekly basis… That will be truly monumental…

The journey to wellness is a hard journey to take and doing it alone is even harder. There is always a fork in the road with no one to guide you or show you the correct path to take. The fork could represent many things, such as the temptation of food or even the constant excuses being made up in order to not diet or exercise. It’s kind of like the angel and devil on your shoulder telling you what to do and you really don’t know what is right. I said plenty of times to myself, “Oh, I’ll start tomorrow or the next day or next day,” but never really actually begin. Being with people facing the same “forks in the road” as I am is actually a kind of a relief. There are people there with you to give you motivation and to understand what a hard journey losing weight is. Beginning the “Best Life Diet” with Marna, Cecilia, Lakita, Mary Ellen, and Veronica is very exciting to me. We all are different ages with different problems, but yet we all understand each other – we are so different, but yet the same. Doing an online journal could help not only motivate each other, and ourselves but also motivate women from all over. We could each identify with a different type of woman out there; from single working women, to married women with children, or even housewives. Knowing that there is one woman or many women out there following my journey really makes me want to work even harder in fighting the battle of weight loss. I want to show the world that if I could do it, then the world could do it too! I’m not saying that I will not run into obstacles, but at least I know that I am not alone and neither are the women that visit the site.

Naming my weekly journal is quite hard, but I know it isn’t going to be called a specific name like Pete or Jane. It’s more of a description of what I am trying to achieve. So, on that note, it’s going to be called OPERATION FABULOUS! This is how I want to see myself in the mirror and it’s even kinda catchy! This is what every woman, including myself, would like to feel when she steps into her closet and sees a little black dress that’s buried so far back you would think it’s in another zip code – but knows it still fits. Or when you are walking down the street wearing clothes that looked like you found them rolled up under the bed (not that I actually wear clothes that I found under the bed, but it’s just an example )) and not care what people say because you know that you are fabulous. It’s all about getting that self-esteem and confidence back. That is my ultimate goal.

I am a single 25 year-old woman that lives in the downtown area of Chicago. And yes, I still like going out to bars and nightclubs with my friends. It used to be where I would go out every Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, but now I am lucky if I see my friends once a month. Ever since I put on some weight, I do not have the energy or the patience to try on 40 outfits to find the perfect one that doesn’t seem too tight. I get easily discouraged and then I eventually give up. I try on clothes that I know I gained too much weight to fit into, but then I walk in front of the mirror anyway just to see if the clothes look as tight as they feel to reassure myself. I then get upset and run right to the kitchen to grab the first comfort food to make myself feel better.

I really want my self-confidence and esteem back so that I could regain my social life and my closet! When I do actually go out with my friends, I feel as if everyone is looking at me and talking about me. I also know that I get on my friends’ nerves because I am so unsure of myself; I have to keep asking, “do I look fat?” “does this make me look big?” “does my butt look like if I sit on water I would float?” – I’m just kidding about the last one, I don’t ask my friend’s that. The point is, I want to go out in public and not tug on my clothes all night just to make sure that my waist is not hanging over my pants. I also REFUSE to keep buying the next biggest size because of 2 reasons. 1. I just don’t have that kind of money to keep buying clothes and 2. I do not want to come to that realization of gaining so much weight that I have to buy another bigger size.

That actually wasn’t the time I realized I did need to loose weight, but it was when I got home from work one day and just wanted to relax. I work two jobs, so I never have time for “me time.” The fist time in a long time, I was able to come home and not have to run out to the next job until 11:00 at night. So anyway, I went to change into my comfort clothes, which I call my “fat pants.” They are those oversized clothes that you wouldn’t ever wear in public because you are too embarrassed to show anyone. Now I know that every time I put on these clothes (which wasn’t often) they were getting tighter and tighter. At the time, I was just blaming the tightness on my messing up the laundry. Well, when I put those cotton pants on, I don’t think I could even sit down because I was afraid I was going to split them in half! My comfort clothes were no longer comfortable – they felt like my circulation was being cut off! At that particular moment, I knew. I knew that I had to get off of my butt and do something about my weight gain because I am so sick of hiding out in my house away from everyone.

My goal is to get back to my pre-children physique but to do so by adopting healthy living principles. This goal is important to me because I see this as a way for me to be a positive role model for my family, especially my daughter. Moreover, accomplishing this end via healthy living principles (versus fad diets) is something that we can hopefully sustain for the rest of our lives.

I decided to change my lifestyle because the me I see is not me. I want to feel great about the me I see. This has been a goal for the past 18 months since my younger son was born. I know what foods are healthy and I enjoy exercising. I just need that extra push that will help me with my goals. Also, I hope to learn quick and tasty meals that my family will enjoy.

I thoroughly read the book, What to Expect When You’re Expecting, when I was pregnant but nobody told me I’d still look pregnant 3 months after delivery! I heard about postpartum depression and was looking for any sign of it, but the postpartum fat just snuck up on me – from behind of course. Needless to say I am depressed about my fat. I got pregnant a year ago, and it was the pregnancy from Hades – morning sickness for 6 months, carpal tunnel syndrome in both hands, sciatic nerve pain in both hips and a condition that caused me to itch uncontrollably without relief. All fantasies of being one of those pregnant women who work out up until delivery were gone. Week after week I just sat painfully watching my body get bigger and bigger while the scale numbers went higher and higher. When I went into the hospital 2 weeks overdue to be induced, I couldn’t wait to have this baby, because I saw numbers on the scale I thought I’d never see in this lifetime – tipping the scale at a whopping 213 lbs! Looking in the mirror it is hard to believe that I am the same woman who at one time modeled for some of the largest athletic apparel companies in the world, won the swimsuit competition in a national pageant, and fully expected to stay in shape – at least until after menopause. Moreover, the labor and delivery was even worse than the pregnancy and I am just now recuperating from the emergency C-section. Needless to say, I am completely out of shape and overweight. The discouragement increases as I sit and watch my husband watch Monday Night Football each week as I recuperate from the C-section because I look at the stats on the screen and ‘lo-and-behold’ I’m a running back for the Chicago Bears!

 
I have always been a physically active person. Growing up the youngest and the only girl I was destined to be athletic. I’m not trying to return to the 26 year old rock body of yesteryear, however, I really want to get back to a healthy weight and have the energy I once had. If I’m tired now with a 3 month old, I’m hating to see how tired I’m going to be when he starts running around the house. My doctor commented at my last physical, before I got married in 2005, that I had all the makings of a world class athlete, but today I couldn’t win a race in the geriatric ward of a convalescent home. My desire is to be like my mom when I was a kid. She played college basketball and taught my brothers how to play. Several of them played in college, one on a full-ride scholarship. Up until a few years ago, my mom would on occasion be found playing a pick up game in our front yard with the 12 and 13 year old boys in the neighborhood. Today I don’t think I could beat my 70-something year old mother in a game of pick-up-sticks. This is pitiful. But of course, life happens, you get married, have a baby, your metabolism slows down, not to mention age, and here I am; 38 years old and 180 pounds. I can’t even believe I’m reading those numbers, but now is the time for me to do something about it. I know I will feel so much better physically, emotionally, and spiritually if I can just get back into shape, lose the weight, and gain more energy.