Dreamgirl here! - Lakita's pursuit of "the bikini"

This is the last week of our experience together and it seems like we just got to know each other!  But in reality it is just the beginning of reality because now I’m on my own.  True, the ride goes quicker and more enjoyable when you are traveling with a group but in most cases this is not the norm.  I don’t believe it is because women desire to ‘tough out’ their struggles with weight as ‘rugged individuals,’  this seems to go against our nature — even though we endowed with ‘girl power.’  For the most part ‘life happens’ and in the midst of career, friends, husband, children, in-laws, and the stress of just everyday drama we get caught up in the chaos.  Before we know it we find ourselves isolated.  However, isolation isn’t just a physical state because you can be surounded by people everyday, all day, and be isolated.  Many times isolation is relational, emotional, or maybe even topical — some topics you just can’t share with certain friends.  On my journey, however, circumstances were such that I became more isolated than I would have liked in a community of bloggers.  This may sound crazy to the few of you who are’nt phone people.  But on the contrary, I feel that this somehow empowers me as I venture off because I will have the continuing feeling that ’somebody’s’ got my back ‘out there’ in cyberspace.

Each one of my girlfriends contributed something different to my journey.  Marna, already made 55 look good and I kind of can’t wait to see what I look like when I get to be her age.  Mary Ellen was my mirrored image; same age, just had a baby, etc.  Truly she really was my constant cheerleader. Cecilia proved that you could kick a bad habit and keep right on rolling.  You go girl!  Veronica was a walking talking ‘red bull’ energy drink.  If I was ever feeling tired, I wasn’t after a few minutes with her.  And then there was Anna who shared my passion for Jack Bauer and ‘24.’  She is such a determined young woman. 

All of you ladies, including my 5 girlfriends have given much, and have much to give.  I applaud all of your efforts, successes, and failures because it is through all of these good and bad experiences that we grow and learn to find ultimate contentment as God leads us through life.  I have achieved my initial goal of aquiring more energy and I am now beginning my secondary goal of losing that extra baby weight.  God bless you all, my mission is accomplished, let’s call it a wrap!

Wow, how the time flies! It seems like we just got started and now it’s almost over.  At first my bikini was just to get more energy after having a hellish pregnancy and even worse labor and post partum recovery.  Now my bikini has gotten even bigger….  I actualy met my primary goal after the first phase.  Now I don’t find myself dragging throughout the whole day, just part of it - what can I say I have a six month old baby. It wasn’t easy though because those workouts in the beginning were killer!  I had been virtually sedentary for over a year and I can’t tell you how I ached. Today, I look forward to checking off all the tasks I have on my daily list of things to do because I have the energy and strength that I didn’t have before. Moreover, getting myself onto a regimented eating schedule, beginning with a larger breakfast, was just as big a challenge as it was to ‘get moving,’ but I seem to have mastered that for the most part.  Now that I have dropped several dress sizes I think I’m going to expand my bikini from my original size 18 to a size 6.  Currently I’m at a 12 but I plan on continuing this lifestyle until my mission is accomplished.  Who knows maybe after I achieve a size 6, I’ll expand my bikini to perhaps something else.

I had a girlfriend that I used to joke around with when I was a model.  As a matter of fact we were both pretty lean at the time.  I know the word model envokes all kinds of images but I was an atheletic apperal model.  I not only had to watch the amounts of food that I consumed, but what types of food I ate to ensure that I had enough energy to endure a fierce workout regiment.  We took it pretty seriously, not just because we knew the images that were taken of us would forever be emblazoned on the pages of catalogues to be seen by strangers and friends alike, but because we knew that if we didn’t look close to perfect somebody else would take our jobs!  Looking back now I laugh at how critical I was about my physical appearance.  Moreover, to many individuals, thumbing through the pages of magazines, gauking at images of women is a regular and time consuming activity. We always thought that this was utterly stupid and a complete waste of time — when instead they could be looking at culinary magazines!  Yep, my girlfriend and I would talk about food like guys talked about girls.  “Girl, you have got to see this!  Come over here and take a look at these chicken enchiladas with the cheese melted all over the ranchero sauce.”  Sometimes we would be driving to our workout and out of a dead silence she’d ask me, ‘wouldn’t a thick crust pizza with all the toppings and extra cheese sound really good right about now?’  The sigh in my voice was indication enough that I was already with her on that thought because her very words conjured up the aroma of a fresh delivered pizza.  Thoughts of delicious food for someone who didn’t get to eat very often can become pathalogical.

Those days have long gone, just look at my pictures on the website as evidence.  Sometimes though I catch myself daydreaming like I did back in the day.  However, I have recently figured out why I slip back into that daydream mode.  Back then, I was hungry all the time so I naturally would think about food all of the time.  Therefore, on the occasion that I am hungry I think about food.  But our thought process alone doesn’t change our habits.  I often out of impulse find myself going to the refrigerator to eat.  I now know that this isn’t a reponse to hunger but of boredom. If I am busy, food rarely enters my mind.  Until now, I never gave emotional eating much thought but I have come to realize something that has deeper implications.  If idle hands are tools of the devil, then a bored mind is open to all kinds of cravings.  In my case it was food. . . but not anymore. 

Hard times have come to pass. It’s been eleven weeks now, and as I look back and reflect on my progress, I have to say I’ve had some  great breakthroughs.  But I also have to say that I have had some trying times as well.  These times were indeed road blocks that many, if not most of us, face — vocational, relational, physical, and emotional.

I am wholeheartedly and joyously embracing my new carreer change as a stay at home mother.  Well that’s the official title anyway.  Truth be told, I work from home running a business, writing books, articles, doing radio interviews, producing media content, not to mention that I travel (with baby in tow) across the country promoting my new book, consulting and meeting tight deadlines.  Needless to say, I am very busy and lacking assistance.  Don’t get me wrong, I have absolutely the most supportive husband in the entire world.  He loves taking care of our 6 month old son when other men I know dash out of the front door as soon as mommy shows up from the grocery store.  As a matter of fact he bought me a new car for Valentines day, though we had his SUV, because he wanted to make sure the baby and I had reliable transpertation (and might I add stylish as well).  However, the problem comes from not only not having found an office assistant to run my office now that I’ve moved my office home ,but not having any child care as well.  Needless to say I have a heavy workload that demands my attention but the priority of my infant son too.  Working out and having to work are especially complicated now. 

The situation is further compounded by the fact that we have had continual computer and internet problems.  Our local providers have told us that our house is known as ’the house’ that even the geeks can’t figure out.  And to add insult to injury, our computer crashed rendering me helpless on the information dirt road rather that cruising the information highway.  Thus, work and communication via the computer and internet, as well as the liberty to comfortably leave my house during the day knowing that my little one is taken care of, is ‘nill.’ On the brightside, at least I can sit in my new car with my baby on baord, thanks to my husband, and pretend we’re going some where.

Though this is what I’m going through presently, I know that this is just a temporary set back.  Just one more little bump in the road on my journey that I know will pass like my weigh-in last month.  I remember being so discouraged when I stepped on the scale, after weeks of hard work and discipline to only find out that I lost 2 pounds.  I had a flood of emotions, dissapointment, anger, discouragement, hopelessness. But guess what, I got over it.  Instead of letting it stop me, I ignored it and continued to do the activities that I knew would ultimately get me going in the right direction.  Wouldn’t you know it, the next week I discovered that I dropped from a size 16 to a size 12!

My biggest cheerleaders have been my husband and the Holy Spirit.  My husband would just encourage me by saying, ‘it is in you, to continue!’ and then I would hear Gods voice telling me, ‘I can do all things’ through Him who strengthens me.

My current situation has come around, just like last months trial, but guess what, ‘this too shall pass.’  That’s how I know hard times come to pass.

I know it’s been a long time since you’ve heard from me but I have just discovered something amazing.  I have been working out like a slave with nothing to show for it, however, last week my I and my family went to California to visit my mother who is a wonderful cook.  I didn’t workout even, once but when I came back to Chicago I stepped on the scale and found that I had lost 2 lbs!  How can that be?  Go figure.  I assume my metabolism has now  kicked in and is burning up fat.  I’m supposed to go back to the west coast again next week, let’s pray I lose even more. 

I think out of my group I lost the least amount of weight (a whopping 2 pounds), but  I feel so much better physically and I even dropped several dress sizes.  When I started I was a snug size 16 and   now I am at the average american dress size.  A size 12.  Dropping from a 16 to a 12 and only losing 2 pounds, how can that be?  I guess I have gained a lot of muscle mass to displace my fat.  But still, I am really encouraged.  This is only the begining  my goal is to fit back into a 6 or maybe even a 4!  None the less my initial goal has been reached already, I have way more energy now than I did at the beginning.  I’m waking up before 7:00am each morning and don’t really fall asleep until 11:00pm.  My diet and excercise have played such a huge role.  In the past, before I had a baby and when perfection was my goal, I would have looked at myself in this position and fallen to pieces over my appearance.  Now I just take it in stride and say, ‘I’m not where I want to be. . . but I’m not what I used to be.’  Now, how can that be?

Okay I thought I was hungry all the time before I started the Best Life Diet but it’s like I’m hungry allllllll the time!  Like I said before, my increase in appetite is no doubt the result of an increase in physical activity, breast feeding, and the vitamin supplements.  But I think that there is a psychological component to it as well.  Yes, it is true, I do like food, food tastes good, and therefore I like it.  It seems so simple but the problem is determining if I am really hungry or not.   Having to rate my hunger on a scale is interesting because what’s a10 and what’s a 0?  Yesterday I decided to drink water when I thought I felt hungry and that seemed to work.  What I’m finding out is that I mistake being hungry for actually being thirsty.  Perhaps I’ll try a carrying a water bottle with me more often and just stay hydrated.  I’m sure this will produce more milk for the baby and maybe burn more calories.  I don’t know but we’ll see.

Phase I of the Best Life Diet wasn’t that hard for me to master, aside from the working out that is!  My eating habits for the last several years, in general, has pretty much been absent of carbonated sodas and anything white –   white flour, white sugar, white potatoes, white pasta, etc.  But I have to admit, getting in the habit of eating a large breakfast and having meals at set times was, and continues to be, somewhat of a struggle. 

However, now that phase II has begun, I’m beginning to have cravings for things that I usually don’t eat, like doughnuts and cheeseburgers.  I don’t know what’s gotten into me?  I think I’m hungrier because of the vitamin supplements, the working out, and the nursing. but why can’t I crave watercress or Brussels sprouts?

The other day I weighed myself and after all this food deprivation and masochistic workouts the scale showed that I lost a whopping 2 pounds.  Boy was I mad! And discouraged to say the least.  So when I came back from working out my mind started to wonder off, ‘man I would love to have a thick crust pizza with all the toppings and extra cheese. . . no!  There’s a fast food place right over there at the next exit.  I’ll just stop and get a junior cheese burger.’  So I exit the freeway pull up to the drive thru window and just as I am about to order, my guilty conscience kicks in.  I felt like I was an alcoholic about to order a drink at the bar on my way home.  Boy was that a low moment.  So I ordered a fish filet with no tarter sauce and thru away the bun (okay I kept the side of the bun that the cheese was stuck to).  By the time my next workout came around, two days later, my conscience was seared!  I didn’t even wait until after the workout, I drove straight to the doughnut shop and got a chocolate glazed doughnut.  I couldn’t wait to taste it.  But wouldn’t you know it. . .  it wasn’t even that good!  I was sooo mad.  If I was going to thoroughly blow my diet at least let the crime be enjoyable.  I guess I deserved it.  Next time, however, I got a cinnamon role, and it was good too.  But the guilt was overwhelming so I stopped by the health food store on my way back home from the gym to buy organic soup.  I ate a serving when I got home and to be honest, it tasted better than the cinnamon roll and I felt a whole lot better about myself. 

It’s not that I don’t have healthy snacks at home to munch on when I have a craving.  It’s just for some odd reason I’m craving things that I wouldn’t ordinarily even consider. Hmmm I’ll have to give this some thought.  This isn’t a habit but it is something to think about.

Veronica wrote that she feels a whole lot better and that she is fitting into some clothes that she hasn’t fit into in a while, and I can say amen to that!  My sentiments exactly because I’ve been feeling the same way – this week.  Last week however, everyone commented that they had lost more that 5 pounds each while I lost a whopping zero.  Initially I was disappointed but I knew that would be the case because I know my body and up until that point I knew there wasn’t going to be much change because I know what it takes to produce change in my physique.  One of the other girls commented that she loses weight more readily when she’s part of a group.  I don’t know but I seem to do better when I’m doing it alone for some reason.  I know for sure that there are women that can ‘feel me’ out there on the web.  Take what works for you and modify everything else until you find what works for you.  Talking to Bob Green was a blessing because he confirmed what I knew what I needed to do.  Just those few minutes on the phone really set me on a path that’s going to work for me.  I’m starting to do 2-3 extra days of cardio a week on top of my regular workouts.  With this I know I’ll start to see some changes.  Now I really feel confident about the Best Life Diet.  Though my initial goal has already been achieved which was increased energy and strength, I know that I really can’t fully experience it without the weight loss because it’s the extra weight that has been draining me.   

Being on the Best Life Diet has changed some of my daily routines like eating and particularly my workout.  Before I started I really didn’t eat until the late morning because I have never really been a breakfast person.  Something about eating a heavy meal first thing in the morning was never a habit although breakfast is my favorite food.  I usually ate my heaviest meal for lunch and being a stay at home mom that was usually breakfast.  Now, instead of grabbing a piece of fruit, I have to adjust my nursing schedule to create a space to make myself an entire meal.   As far as what I eat that hasn’t posed any challenges because their wasn’t anything crazy in my kitchen to begin with.

My workout schedule is an entirely different story.  My neighbors, husband and girlfriends are all involved in the childcare aspect of my going to the gym.  I work out three times a week, and each of these times my husband, my retired neighbors, or a girlfriend baby sits for me.  Asking them to look after my little bundle of joy was a big step because I’m never more than 5 minutes out of his presence at a time.  But now that I’m secure about his welfare I have to now deal with the, ‘so how’s the diet going?’  What can I say?  It’s another point of accountability and yet another point of not wanting to discuss it.  I guess when I start seeing bigger results in the mirror or any reduction on the scale I’ll feel different.   

Lakita

In the first phase of my Best Life Diet I didn’t have to make any drastic changes to what I ate.  As a matter of fact I didn’t make any significant changes to what I was eating but when was.  I did have to put myself on a regular meal schedule and having a big breakfast was perhaps the most challenging because I usually don’t eat and entire breakfast in the morning.  Usually I eat a piece of fruit or some yogurt and save the real meal for late morning or lunch time.  But changing my eating time in the morning was and still is a challenge.  Stopping the night time eating two hours before I go to sleep was cake, however.  But it allowed me to snack at later times because I usually don’t go to bed until late.  Before I started the diet I stopped eating before 7:00 as a rule but this new one just gave me license to have a later snack.  Even after all of this schedule shifting I was still hungry and some days hungrier than before.  I know this was because I started working out after being completely sedentary for a year during my pregnancy not to mention that I’m nursing an infant.  I also think that my nursing contributed to not only being hungry all the time but perhaps my body is resisting any weight loss.  Most of my girlfriends lost significant ‘poundage’ while they were nursing.  I mean so much so that they were the thinnest I had ever seen them.  A few of them on the other hand didn’t lose anything until they stopped.  Of course this would probably me.

I’m feeling discouraged right now but I will continue to ‘press on toward the mark.’ I’m going to have to make a few drastic changes myself because I know how my body is from past experiences.  For one I’m going to ramp up my workouts on my off days.  I have been doing the elliptical machine sporadically but now I’m going to strap myself to one.  Cutting down my portion sizes are another.  I don’t think I eat a lot but the scale obviously says something else.  What I’m going to eat differently is a mystery.  My husband and I went through our kitchen last night and he commented that he couldn’t remember the last time he saw white bread, pasta, rice, or white potatoes in the house.  I simply don’t buy them and we rarely eat out anymore since the baby was born.  Fried food has been a no no for both of us since before we got married and we look at every label before we buy to make sure it has no Trans fats.  As a matter of fact I bought my first loaf of bread (it was 12 grain whole wheat) since the beginning of last summer only because I needed the fiber.  High fat foods like ice cream and cakes haven’t seen the inside of my kitchen in over a year, and it’s not because they aren’t welcome, trust me! So for phase II, changing my food choices is a little tricky, cutting back on the amounts may be the only change.

Well, I weighed myself last weekend like the other girls in my group, and the magic number seems to be the number 6, as in 6 pounds lost by each woman.  However, after working out hard and eating more scheduled meals I have lost a whopping 0 pounds!  That’s right nada, nunca, zero, zip, nothing.  Yes I am discouraged to say the least but I know it hasn’t been in vain.  My husband has noticed that I’ve shrunk and I have even noticed that my clothes actually do fit a looser.  As far as my eating goes, I pretty much eat healthy anyway; no white bread, white rice, white potatoes, coffee, alcohol or smoking.  The bummer is, phase II is to cut out all the stuff I don’t eat in the first place, so what now.  I’m sure we’re going to have to cut our portions back and maybe that will do the trick. 

Knowing that the others in my group are successfully losing weight is both encouraging and discouraging.  It’s good to know that ‘we doing it!’  But it’s discouraging after all of my working out and close attention to food choices that the scale hasn’t moved.  Scale or no scale, however, I know that I have obtained some physical goals like increased strength and lost inches.  I know that I have gained muscle mass, and I usually gain it rapidly which probably accounts for no change on the scale because muscle weighs more than fat.  It would have been nice to see some lower numbers on that scale though.  At least I’m in good company; there are some Super Bowl champions who weigh in at my same size.

Okay, I’m going to weigh myself for the first time in a month this weekend.  Phase I is ending and it wasn’t as bad as thought it would be.  I got moving after a year of a completely sedentary life, most of it pregnant and on bed rest.  During this phase I was encouraged to know that my food choices were 90% good; however, my food portions were too big.  My girlfriends and I had a discussion last weekend about finding the root emotional cause as to why we gained wait.  I know a few of them may have found some deep psychological reason, but what can I say, I just like food!  It’s exacerbated by the fact that I’m home all day bored and nursing a baby with an increased appetite. 

So far, so good, as far as following the program.  I must confess that I had a few bad food days and missed one of my scheduled workouts.  To be honest I don’t think the numbers on the scale are going to be any numerically different when I weigh myself this weekend.  I don’t feel the numbers will be representative of my progress because the scale can’t measure what I’m experiencing; an increase in strength, muscle mass, and energy.  Even if the scale groans the dreadful words, ‘get off of me,’ I know I am doing great and this is what matters most.  I believe I’m off to a great start.

Okay this is my 4^th week on the program and not being allowed to get on the scale leaves me with mixed emotions – really.  On the one hand it’s a relief not having to look at the numbers on the scale and be totally discouraged and frustrated, but then again on the other hand I’m really anxious to know just how much weight I’ve lost.  Chances are I haven’t lost anything because I’ve been working out heavily and increasing my muscle mass.  I know this is because my muscles are extremely sore and I can feel my limbs getting firmer.  I haven’t noticed any other physical changes like my clothes fitting looser because my clothes always fit loose.  I never wear tight clothes and as a matter of fact I’m still wearing my maternity clothes because I don’t want to have to spend any money on buying anything that I won’t be able to wear in the very near future.  Other than that I feel much better than I did before I started the program.  I have to admit this was not the case 3 weeks ago at the onset.  My body was so sore and the restructuring of my food intake left me feeling hungry ALL of the time.  Now I feel less sore after each respective workout and I have more energy throughout the day. 

Psychologically, it feels great to begin the New Year with a new lifestyle and I hope this will be a permanent change.  I look forward to seeing some tangible results next time I step on the scale.  However, there are times when I feel like I haven’t seen enough progress and I’m tempted to just give up because I have really put in some hard work and sacrifice thus far.  During those times I just have to keep saying to myself, ‘It is in you to continue.’

I remember when I was in my 20’s.  Losing weight was not a problem. But then again did I really need to lose weight?    I remember saying to myself, ‘I will never let myself get any heavier than 130lbs.’  I look back now and laugh at the thought of 130lbs as being ‘heavy.’  But then again in my 20’s, gaining weight wasn’t easy.  There were nights I could eat a whole medium sized pizza and a liter of pop, go to bed and not have to worry about getting fat.  Of course that was then and now in my 30’s I could chew a piece of gum and ‘blow up.’  Life, moreover, was different all around – I was younger, single, less responsibility, and more ‘me’ time.  Today is a different time – older, responsibilities of wife and mother, and no more ‘me’ time.  What can I say, life happens, and this calculation only adds up to a less responsive body, slower metabolism, and as a result, we gain weight.

Last weekend, for the first time in 18 months, I hosted a gathering of some of my friends in my home and discovered that being overweight is like being in prison. Though there were less than a dozen girlfriends over, it felt like I had put out the same energy in planning my wedding.   And I realized that being overweight , out of shape, and no energy was like being in prison because:

1. When you’re overweight, you don’t want to leave your house.  You just want to lock behind closed doors, pull down the shades, blackout all the mirrors and hide.  This is not just because you don’t want others to see how you’ve blown up but for the more practical reason – I don’t have a thing to wear.
2. When you’re physically out of shape you can only dream about ‘some day,’ because ‘some day’ you’re going to be free to do the things you’ve dreamed about.  In my case I don’t dream of being free from a prison but free from 65 lbs that tires me out.  Maybe I’m the only woman in America who buys miscellaneous objects (clothing, party dishes, etc,) for some future function that you plan on having but never get around to.  Hey, ‘some day’ I’ll get around to doing it, right?
3. When you have no energy you simply just don’t have the will to do what it takes to engage anybody if you really don’t have to.  I mean, I barely have enough energy to take care of my daily obligations of wife and mother let alone host a gathering of friends.  Therefore just like prison you have few visitors and hopelessness abounds. 

Until now all I’ve had energy for was to only dream about losing weight but now it’s a goal.  After all a dream is just that, a dream.  But a goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline.

This is my second week of working out and I have to say that all around I feel so much better in every aspect – mentally and physically.  I believe that the Law of Static Friction states, it takes more energy to put a body in motion that it is to stay in motion, and boy is this true.  It was rough getting started and I don’t just mean physically.  I literally had to psych myself up for weeks before the New Year just to muster up enough motivation to begin exercising.  Let me tell you it didn’t get easier after the first workout either because after feeling sore for the first time it only confirmed all of the anticipated dread.  Every reason why I hated working out came to my mind – and my aching body.  But having done this before I knew that the worst thing I could do was to avoid working out again because that would only prolong the agony.  Working out when you’re sore actually burns of the lactic acid that makes you feel sore in the first place.  Today, however, after doing the same workout routine over these past two weeks, I barely feel sore and I’ve noticed that I have more energy and I sleep better at night – whatever that means when you have a 4 month old.  

My work out routine is 3 times a week and after the first week my biggest challenge now is finding reliable and trustworthy childcare – welcome to the world of motherhood.  Anyway, I was too tired last week to be able to workout in between scheduled workout sessions but I think next week I’m going to attempt to either do a video workout or walk on my ‘off’ days.  I already have a pedometer and from past experience, walking 10,000 steps a day really does the job in burning off a pound a week.  There’s snow on the ground right where I live right now, but thank God my wonderful husband bought me an elliptical machine for Christmas!  If I can just stay motivated I know I can do it.

My husband says that he has noticed a difference in my physical appearance but I just think he’s saying that to encourage me because I haven’t noticed any difference. I’m sure the scale would agree with me but I know that’s because I’m building muscle and of course you know what they say, ‘muscle weighs more than fat.’  I can’t wait to notice a significant difference, and this will come none too soon either.  I have almost resolved after being large for so long that I will always be this big and hopelessness is not a good feeling.

I was in the gym this morning working out and it was rough, though I must say that this time was not as hard as before.  Greg, the trainer, said it shouldn’t be too bad considering that I was once in great athletic shape.  He said, ‘don’t worry muscles have memory.’  Whatever, my thighs must have amnesia because they have forgotten just about everything they ever knew.  As a matter of fact, I almost fell of the curb the other day because they couldn’t remember how to walk down some steps.  The only consolation is knowing that in a few months I’ll be looking fit and fabulous again.

 My girlfriends at the gym today were so peppy today. . . I wasn’t.  I mean I almost felt guilty because I wasn’t excited about working out, but then again I never have been, not even when I used to model for Nike and Reebok.  I remember dreadding ever step on the treadmill and every pound of iron pumped.  I absolutely hated it, but I totally loved the results.  So, to stop my procrastination I used to sleep in my workout sweats and socks, with my shoes next to my bed, so all I had to do in the morning was just ‘roll out.’  It actually worked as evidenced by the 35-22-35 figure I sported.  I would result to this tactic again but I don’t think my husband would appreciate the sweats in bed thing. 

I took measurements this morning and had to pick my jaw up off the ground when I measured my waist.  Good Lord!  My waist blew up from a 22 to a 36.  Congratulations, my waist has exceeded what were once my bust and hip size.  I wanted to get in my car at that moment and just drive home, but I took a long pause and thought of all the women who are in the same situation as I am but have no encouragement what so ever.  So I sucked it up and got on the treadmill because I thought to myself, dude, I need to step up and be a role model for other women like me.  I might feel horrible right now but I know I’d feel worse if I didn’t take advantage of the community of ‘losers’ (that’s weight losers) in my midst.  So ladies, for all of you who deesire to get into whatever bikini you desire, but hate working out — I’mm feeling you.  No really, I really feel it, especially in my butt and thighs.

Well, this is it, a new year and a new me.  I’m going to my third workout tonight and I’m still sore from the first one last Monday.  To be honest, I really didn’t want to go at first because I was so tired from the holidays, but after I went I felt so much better.  That first step.  That first workout is always the hardest one to make but it feels great once it’s made.  I feel like I have some momentum behind me now and each time it will get easier and easier.  Moreover, it becomes easier when you have a posse like mine cheering you on when you’re working out.  My new girlfreinds were that extra shot of adrenaline that I needed last night when I walkied into the gym.  ‘You can do it. . . you go girl. . . come on, just one more time!’  All of them are great. What I like about this group of women the most is that most of us don’t view this as a competition, but a collaboration.  The only people we are competing against is ourselves and we encourage each other to be our best selves.  I suppose this is why it’s called the best life diet program. We colaborate by providing an encouraging and optimistic environment where we can strive and thrive to be our best not the best.

I weighed myself earlier this week for the last time until next month and believe me I have no problem not stepping on a scale.  There will be no temptation on my part to take a peak at those numbers.  Hopefully they will be numbers I will never see again in this lifetime.  With all of this working out I know we will all be building lots of muscle, and of course muscle weighs more than fat.  This is good to know.  It would be very discouraging to torture ouselves only to step on a scale and be disappointed.  So it’s good that we won’t be weighing-in until February.  I wasn’t excited at first but with each meeting, or workout ,the excitement builds.  So if there are any of you out there right now who are feeling discouraged about your current situation, know that your best life is but the next step away, and another step, and another step.  Let me be just one more person to cheer you on to fit into whatever ‘bikini’ you’re striving to , because ‘it is in you to continue!’

Happy New Year!  It’s 2007 and of course my new year’s resolution is to shed these extra pounds and get back into the swing of things – If I could only get out of bed.  If I thought I didn’t have energy before I am now exhausted and sore.  I had my first workout last Sunday and my legs feel like mud.  I have had harder workouts in my lifetime but this just tells me how out of shape I am.  My trainer tried to encourage me by sharing the fact that muscles have memory, well if this is true then my muscles need some Ginkgo Baloba because they have must have amnesia. I know it’s going to get easier as the girls and I frequent the gym but my body is not feeling all that great right now.  On the bright side, I did slept like a baby last night;  slept for two hours woke up and cried, fell asleep for two hours then woke up and cried – just kidding.  Although I’m soar, I did sleep quite soundly and I know that, thankfully, this will be a much welcomed benefit of working out.   I woke up this morning and wasn’t the least bit sleepy.  I just can’t wait to be able to walk without wincing.

A girlfriend whom I hadn’t seen since I got married called me the other day and invited me to go to a dance class with her.  I had to laugh out loud because I could just envision myself passing out on the studio floor.  I know I’m in the yoplaitbikini program, but like my web intro states, ‘that’s not me.’  You wouldn’t catch me dead in a pair of leotards and tights.  Needless to say I turned her offer down and took a rain check, but hopefully I will have the last laugh after I master this Best Life Diet. 

Another good thing about not having energy after a workout is, I’m too tired to cook anything.  However, I have increased my water intake and I can already hear my stomache sloshing around as I waddle through the house with the baby.  I was already drinking a lot of liquids because I was nursing and now I feel water logged. 

Today is a great day and I can’t wait for my muscles to begin responding.  I know that there is a whole other woman buried underneath all this extra weight just waiting to get out – if she can just muster up enough energy.

I feel like I just got recruited or something and it’s time to go to camp with the team. I’m really excited to work with my ‘teammates’ and our coaches in reaching our common goal, or at least mine – Dreamgirls! Beyoncé look out! Now I really have to perform because “mama-an-nem” will be logging on to see my progress so I must become a woman on a mission. I hope I will be able to work as a team player but it’s kind of hard right now with a newborn in a city where you have no friends or family as backup support when I need a mommy break to go work out. I simply refuse to leave my baby with someone I don’t know. To further complicate matters I’ve recently had some health issues that were pregnancy induced and have ended up in the emergency room 3 times since the baby was born. I thought I was having a heart attack until they correctly diagnosed me with gall stones. I haven’t even started the program yet and I am thoroughly exhausted! Hopefully I can find support among the other 5 women in my group but I’ve already missed out on a pre-Christmas dinner they had because of lack of childcare and a crisis that took place that night. A good friend, whose wedding I was in, was doing a routine roadside check with his partner when he was shot five times by an assailant who is still at large. I helped as best as I could but it’s in God’s hand now. I know just how important it is to have friends who support you in your time of need.

 
Making a personal commitment to this project is complicated on many levels. For one, I am generally a self-motivated person who doesn’t need a pat on the back, a word of encouragement, or a happy face – although a cookie would suffice. However, since this is a weight loss program, cookies are probably not in the equation. But it seems these days that I have no energy. My get up and go, has got up and went, so it seems that I am left to depend on the encouragement of others. Committing to the group, however, is another issue that has pluses and minuses. Often we will do for others what we won’t do for ourselves because when we are in need, we are more willing to handle disappointment in our own failures than those of others. Eighteen months ago as a single woman, I wouldn’t have given a second thought about making a commitment and fulfilling it. But now after marriage and a baby there are others who must be considered before committing and greater disappointment if those obligations are not fulfilled. Overall, I think that the relationships with these women will be a good thing considering I have only a few in my new city with whom I am acquainted, and I hope to learn a lot about them, and from them. I’m sure there will be many personal revelations shared amongst us. Truly the whole point of vulnerability is allowing people to see the real you, but the words “Internet” and “intimate” are usually an oxymoron and shouldn’t be used in the same sentence. However, I believe in this case things might be a little different because I know that people often share their deepest thoughts and feelings via the web but that’s only because people can’t see them. There is little anonymity here, I’m not a shy person, and therefore, this is going to be interesting.

 
There are a whole lot of women out there just like me who have made new year’s resolutions in the past to battle the bulge and did it alone. So I’m sucking it up, kicking it in, and letting it all hang out! Truly, I have no other choice because my girdle doesn’t fit anymore. Day one of the yoplaitbikini.com diet program was the last time my scale will groan, “get off of me!” Hopefully soon I won’t be “thick around the waist and taking up space!”

I thoroughly read the book, What to Expect When You’re Expecting, when I was pregnant but nobody told me I’d still look pregnant 3 months after delivery! I heard about postpartum depression and was looking for any sign of it, but the postpartum fat just snuck up on me – from behind of course. Needless to say I am depressed about my fat. I got pregnant a year ago, and it was the pregnancy from Hades – morning sickness for 6 months, carpal tunnel syndrome in both hands, sciatic nerve pain in both hips and a condition that caused me to itch uncontrollably without relief. All fantasies of being one of those pregnant women who work out up until delivery were gone. Week after week I just sat painfully watching my body get bigger and bigger while the scale numbers went higher and higher. When I went into the hospital 2 weeks overdue to be induced, I couldn’t wait to have this baby, because I saw numbers on the scale I thought I’d never see in this lifetime – tipping the scale at a whopping 213 lbs! Looking in the mirror it is hard to believe that I am the same woman who at one time modeled for some of the largest athletic apparel companies in the world, won the swimsuit competition in a national pageant, and fully expected to stay in shape – at least until after menopause. Moreover, the labor and delivery was even worse than the pregnancy and I am just now recuperating from the emergency C-section. Needless to say, I am completely out of shape and overweight. The discouragement increases as I sit and watch my husband watch Monday Night Football each week as I recuperate from the C-section because I look at the stats on the screen and ‘lo-and-behold’ I’m a running back for the Chicago Bears!

 
I have always been a physically active person. Growing up the youngest and the only girl I was destined to be athletic. I’m not trying to return to the 26 year old rock body of yesteryear, however, I really want to get back to a healthy weight and have the energy I once had. If I’m tired now with a 3 month old, I’m hating to see how tired I’m going to be when he starts running around the house. My doctor commented at my last physical, before I got married in 2005, that I had all the makings of a world class athlete, but today I couldn’t win a race in the geriatric ward of a convalescent home. My desire is to be like my mom when I was a kid. She played college basketball and taught my brothers how to play. Several of them played in college, one on a full-ride scholarship. Up until a few years ago, my mom would on occasion be found playing a pick up game in our front yard with the 12 and 13 year old boys in the neighborhood. Today I don’t think I could beat my 70-something year old mother in a game of pick-up-sticks. This is pitiful. But of course, life happens, you get married, have a baby, your metabolism slows down, not to mention age, and here I am; 38 years old and 180 pounds. I can’t even believe I’m reading those numbers, but now is the time for me to do something about it. I know I will feel so much better physically, emotionally, and spiritually if I can just get back into shape, lose the weight, and gain more energy.