A New Image in the Mirror |
Naming my weekly journal is quite hard, but I know it isn’t going to be called a specific name like Pete or Jane. It’s more of a description of what I am trying to achieve. So, on that note, it’s going to be called OPERATION FABULOUS! This is how I want to see myself in the mirror and it’s even kinda catchy! This is what every woman, including myself, would like to feel when she steps into her closet and sees a little black dress that’s buried so far back you would think it’s in another zip code – but knows it still fits. Or when you are walking down the street wearing clothes that looked like you found them rolled up under the bed (not that I actually wear clothes that I found under the bed, but it’s just an example 
)) and not care what people say because you know that you are fabulous. It’s all about getting that self-esteem and confidence back. That is my ultimate goal.
I am a single 25 year-old woman that lives in the downtown area of Chicago. And yes, I still like going out to bars and nightclubs with my friends. It used to be where I would go out every Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, but now I am lucky if I see my friends once a month. Ever since I put on some weight, I do not have the energy or the patience to try on 40 outfits to find the perfect one that doesn’t seem too tight. I get easily discouraged and then I eventually give up. I try on clothes that I know I gained too much weight to fit into, but then I walk in front of the mirror anyway just to see if the clothes look as tight as they feel to reassure myself. I then get upset and run right to the kitchen to grab the first comfort food to make myself feel better.
I really want my self-confidence and esteem back so that I could regain my social life and my closet! When I do actually go out with my friends, I feel as if everyone is looking at me and talking about me. I also know that I get on my friends’ nerves because I am so unsure of myself; I have to keep asking, “do I look fat?” “does this make me look big?” “does my butt look like if I sit on water I would float?” – I’m just kidding about the last one, I don’t ask my friend’s that. The point is, I want to go out in public and not tug on my clothes all night just to make sure that my waist is not hanging over my pants. I also REFUSE to keep buying the next biggest size because of 2 reasons. 1. I just don’t have that kind of money to keep buying clothes and 2. I do not want to come to that realization of gaining so much weight that I have to buy another bigger size.
That actually wasn’t the time I realized I did need to loose weight, but it was when I got home from work one day and just wanted to relax. I work two jobs, so I never have time for “me time.” The fist time in a long time, I was able to come home and not have to run out to the next job until 11:00 at night. So anyway, I went to change into my comfort clothes, which I call my “fat pants.” They are those oversized clothes that you wouldn’t ever wear in public because you are too embarrassed to show anyone. Now I know that every time I put on these clothes (which wasn’t often) they were getting tighter and tighter. At the time, I was just blaming the tightness on my messing up the laundry. Well, when I put those cotton pants on, I don’t think I could even sit down because I was afraid I was going to split them in half! My comfort clothes were no longer comfortable – they felt like my circulation was being cut off! At that particular moment, I knew. I knew that I had to get off of my butt and do something about my weight gain because I am so sick of hiding out in my house away from everyone.
December 27th, 2006 at 3:24 pm
I have FAT pants too!!! When I leave my “suck ur tummy in work pants” on all day all I want to do is go home and relax in my comfy “fat” pants.
But, I do agree and on the same side as you when it comes to the realization of a “bigger” size. I’ve been working on sooo hard when it comes to staying at the same weight … I’ll be watching you over your course of time and see how your journey is going.
GOOD LUCK!!
January 6th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
Anna, I am like you in alot of ways. I will be 28 in a few days and it seems since hitting 25 I gain weight alot easier and the close I use to fit into don’t anymore. All my life I was very active with dance. The key word there was, was! I have a very athletic build however I now don’t seem to have the time to do much of anything! I am going to school full time and am a nanny full time! Between the two I have very little time to even sleep it seems! I have always been around 95-100 pounds but now I am up to 120 and feel that I look like a blow fish! I would be happy at the weight I am at if I could tone up! My New Year’s resolution for myself is to start running at night because I live in Florida where it is hot all year round pretty much. I figure running will help me gain back some metabolism and help tone the areas that need toning. It will also hopefully help get rid of the love handles around my hips! Thanks for blogging and I look forward to hearing from y’all!
January 8th, 2007 at 7:18 am
Yes, self-confidence has a lot to do with looks, however don’t forget you have a very pretty face and a friendly smile beside those kilos you want to loose. And that delicious food is not as delicious as it may seem now, just try as hard as you can to convince yourself that for e.g. tomato can be as satisfying and as tasteful as a candybar. I did it and lost 10 kg, in conbination with regular exercises. Also, please don’t get depressed because of the slow progress or other people’s comments.
All the best,
Irena
January 8th, 2007 at 10:06 am
Hello Guys…
I appreciate your support and your kind words.
Nicole: It sounds like my journey is your journey as well! There is hope out there for us to fit back into the clothes that are collecting dust! I started the workout process and it was HARD, but I know with all the support I am getting from everyone and each of the girls, I know I could get through it - and so can you! If you run into any problems, feel free to leave me any comments and I could help you as best as I could! Thanks and Good Luck!
Irena: Thank you SO MUCH for your support. Its people like you why people like me could get through such a journey and be successful! You loosing weight sounds very good to hear. I know its possible to loose weight just by hearing your success. Thanks again!
January 8th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
Julie.. It looks like your comment actually did post afterall - so I will leave another comment in addition to the email I sent!
We could do this together. We ALL could do this together. You are not the only one here that feels that way about ourselves. You started with the first step.. realizing you need to loose weight, now you just have to do something about it!
We are all here for you!
Thanks again!
Anna
January 9th, 2007 at 5:28 pm
Anna,
I believe that I can relate to what you are saying about not wanting to
have to pull down my shirts to feel comfortable in my clothes. I to hope
to fit in my favorite clothes and not not have to wear “fat pants”. Keep
om being an inspiration.
Christina
February 7th, 2007 at 8:55 pm
Anna, I have been following you through your journey and I just want to say ” keep up the good work” I’m on a journey myself and it’s very hard. Sometimes I just think of you and I stay postive. YOU GO ONN GIRL!!!!!